The “Bells are ringing”, so they say in the west. The common praise indicating a wedding, here I make use of the same concept except that here in Brunei Darussalam, I wouldn’t say bells since we don’t really use bells but instead I’d say ‘the Tars are played’.
Tars also known as Hadrah in Malay is one of the local traditional musical instrument. Hit at a rhythm by a group of players, in a Bruneian wedding, the Hadrah beaten to accompany the arrival of the groom to by that time his already wife’s resident. Anyway, we are here to familiarize to readers, Brunei Darussalam’s wonderful, traditionally modern and full of heritage wedding.
As any other occasions, Weddings in Brunei brings about the opportunities for families and friends to come together, catch-up with latest news or go down reminiscing memory lane. Laughter is sounded, sweats are perspired, food and drinks shared, memories created and treasured and the very scene of flamboyant decorations, baju kurung and cara melayu just made a wonderful and full exciting atmosphere.
The period of the event varies according to the dates at which both groom’s and bride’s family had decided among them. It also varies with each custom of some of the ethnic group of Brunei, each with a special event during the wedding.
Examples of some of the ethnic group special events:
Melayu Brunei – Adat Ambil-ambilan
It takes place during the night of the ‘majlis persandingan’ at the bride’s place and the groom’s side will bring along trays of food. In the event, the groom will ask his wife to come along with him to the stage also known as ‘pelamin’ and at the pelamin they are prepared with dishes at which the bride and groom romantically feed each other with the their family surrounding them to witness the event.
Melayu Tutong – Adat Basuh kaki
This event takes place after the ‘majlis persandingan’. The groom’s foot is placed upon the bride’s foot and both feet are placed upon a sword usually a parang and its sharpener. The sword sharpener is actually just a block of solid stone also known as batu pengasah in Brunei. One by one the groom’s side of the family gives tributes to the wedded couple and then literally washes their foot by just pouring water onto their foot.
Melayu Belait – Adat Membuka Mulut
Occasionally carried out at the bride’s place at the night of the ‘majlis persandingan’. The event start by having the bride feeding the groom rice using a ‘candas’ and then by the groom doing the same thing all of which is witnessed by the family of both bride and groom.
Anyway, the occasion officially start by the ritual known as ‘merisik’ or ‘jarum-jarum’ at which the-soon-to-be-groom’s representative arrive at the soon-to-be bride’s home to ask the girls availability and if so also request to be allowed to ask her hand in marriage and soon sent a party for the engagement ceremony.
At the ceremony, the groom’s representative brought along gifts known as ‘tanda bertunang’. The ‘tanda bertunang’ usually consist of a ‘pembuka mulut’ ring and an engagement ring. At the occasion the bride’s family will in return give a list of requirements the groom sides need to fulfill and bring along during the ‘antar berian’ event soon.
Pengangun is the person who assist and help the bride and groom. Each have a pengangun of their own, in which they play an important role of offering advice and making sure the traditional rituals are carried out. So during period coming to the majlis persandingan, the pengangun will always be by the bride’s and groom’s side.
The next events are as follow:
· Majlis Berbedak Mandi
Carried out in the morning of the Majlis Akad Nikah, in this event the bride is prepared and pampered and so readied herself for the special event later.
· Antar Berian
This takes place before Majlis Akad Nikah. The event is the exchanging of gifts between the two to-be-wedded couple. Usually the gifts are in odd numbers and the gifts from the groom are first placed in the centre surrounded by the two families to witness. As mentioned before, the required gifts asked during the engagement ceremony must be present as to complete and fulfill the conditions. And usually the gifts will be lead by the ‘Sirih junjungan’ and among the gifts there will be wedding ring, ‘mas kahwin’ and Kain Jongsarat.
· Akad Nikah
This is the most important event in which it is the only event that involves an Islamic ritual rather than the rest of the event which are the traditional Brunei event. Lawfully and according to Islam, both couple will be truly wedded and become husband and wife in Akad Nikah. Though after this event, the groom will return home to pursue his following wedding event at his home.
· Malam berbedak
The bride and groom have this event separately at each other’s own home. Both will be dressed wearing a kain Jongsarat and for the bride, she will be decorated from head to toe with the Bruneian weddings golden jewelry. It is in this occasion that people can really see Brunei’s colourful and rich heritage which is rarely shown.
· Malam Berinai
Takes place at night, this event is the night the bride will colour her hands and feet by using henna or locally known as ‘pacar’. Pacar are actually crushed leaves of a plant and will leave an orange or red colour on your skin for a few days or event weeks.
· Majlis Persandingan
This is the final ceremony of the wedding period. During this event, hundreds and sometimes thousands of invitees will come and together celebrate the special day of the couple and their families. The occasion takes place at the brides home where it will be colourfully decorated, everyone will be busy preparing, and tents will be arranged outside the household with delicious foods ready for guests. The event will start with the guest arrivals ushered by members of the family and the same time the guests are given with gifts usually antiques as their souvenirs of the special day. After a period of time and personal greetings from the bride’s family, the invitees are invited to consumed the prepare dishes. It is then the groom will arrive together with his large party which mainly consists of his family, relatives and friends. His entrance journey into the house will be accompanied by the Hadrah [which is mentioned before]. And finally after a few days of separation, the groom and bride reunite and thus celebrate it with their love ones. For that day only, the wedded couple is called ‘Raja Sehari’' [king of the day]
[Happy days will end happily ever after]